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No relationship is entirely without conflict, and workplace relationships are no exception. However, conflict doesn’t have to devolve into chaos or spark resentment. Here are some tips on how to exchange opposing ideas with a colleague that leave both of you feeling heard and valued.
- Stick to the facts: Focus on facts, not feelings, when presenting your point of view. Stay on point and, if possible, support your position with data from reliable sources. Try to stay dispassionate when others share their ideas, even when their thoughts differ widely from yours.
- Check your emotions: You can be passionate about your position without letting your emotions overrule reason and blind you to other possibilities. Present your views calmly and logically. And keep a cool head when your colleagues outline their thoughts, so you can take in their ideas without judgment.
- Don’t get personal: Keep in mind that you’re engaging in a discussion, not a fight. Focus on the issues, not the individual. Refrain from labelling your colleague, or their viewpoints, as right/wrong, good/bad, smart/uninformed, winner/loser.
- Be receptive: Show willingness to hear your colleague’s viewpoint — and listen without interrupting, interjecting your opinion or engaging in other behavior that can make your colleague defensive or feel disrespected. Research shows that conflict spirals that go unchecked can cause irreparable damage to relationships.
- Find commonality: Acknowledge common ground up front to help your colleague feel seen and heard. For example, “Workplace safety is a priority for us both…” or “I agree with you that customer satisfaction is critical…” Establishing common ground at the beginning of a conversation opens the door to having a more productive discussion overall.
- Take a breather: It’s OK if you and your colleague can’t reach consensus. You can always agree to disagree and move on. Or, if you’re both interested and amenable, you can agree to pick up your conversation at a later date.
These suggestions serve as guidelines for shaping a more inclusive and civil workplace, where we encourage respectful sharing of diverse points of view, perceptions and experiences. At the same time, they are important reminders that respectful discourse is the basis for positive, productive relationships in all walks of life, whether we’re engaging with a family member, friend or a total stranger — in person or online.
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